Anyone

As I lay alone in my room
Windows open and cool breeze
Music softly playing on headphones
I scream in silent agony

All of my memories from the past
Vanished in a snap
What's known now sadly
Is a pain in my arm
Added with dreaded nightmares

From a young age I knew and didn't know
I was a mistake, I ruined lives
Suffering is what my darling caretakers endured
While I played along trotting on their freedom
Oh how I wish it never was

By the time I went to school
Friends were made
Valuable relationships were beginning
But my innocence was suddenly rotting
Someone who was verified, trusted
Scarred me and others
That 'person' never payed the price
Of my present terrors and horrors  

I was brought to a new place
Smaller but brighter
My brain forcing me to forget
What had happened before
More friends were made
But many left without notice or in the end
Scarred me again
Please, please I'm so so sorry
No matter how much I apologized all my secrets were spilled
My insecurities, fears were flowing
Out like a river, and to dry parched ears

My dear 'best friend' and I were opposites
But we stuck together
We challenged everything and everyone
Nothing stood in our way
I should have listened to them
She slowly started poisoning me
Picking apart my head and rearranging everything
What I had feared the least was the most
Nothing I cared about was what I endlessly dreaded

Somehow I began to forget all the unfortunate tragedies
Every piercing and jabbing nightmare
Poof, gone
I don't know how or why
But For a while I was glad I didn't know
However through a stinging in my arm
A pain shooting through me like a shot
Everything came back

The guilt, torture, pain, misery, fear, anxiety.
All of it rushed to me
It won't stop
Why won't it stop
Why can't I tell someone?
Why won't anyone understand?
Why do they make fun of me?
Why can't I just..."get over it."?
I'm desperately trying to but it hurts so so much

During this hour
As I lay alone in my room
Windows open and cool breeze
Music softly playing on headphones
I scream in silent agony
Holding my arm in as though I've been shot
I am dying, just a little
But soon enough I might forget it all  
Until it all comes back again